Did I Say That? Living on a prayer

While I was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic at rush hour on I-95, inching my way toward the Stamford exit, a minivan cut in front of me and almost caused a collision. I stomped on the brake and missed hitting the guy by a few feet and then proceeded to deliver an expletive-laced tirade, accentuated by waving hands and arms … but no obscene gestures. Civil behavior requires discretion. “You *#@!% imbecile! You could have gotten us killed! You could have gotten ME killed! You %[email protected]*& moron!” Then, I added one more #*[email protected]#&* for good measure in case he didn’t get … Read more

Did I Say That? Back to the Dark Ages

We had a major crisis in our home the other day. Hysteria erupted, followed by outrage and panic. We were on the verge of societal collapse and anarchy. The Internet was down. No email, no FaceTime, no New York Times, no Instagram, no Fox News, no Weather Channel, no Pandora, no Amazon Prime, no nothing. I wish I could say I felt liberated, but that would be a lie. Life as we know it in 21st-Century America came to a screeching halt, and I ran from device to device, trying to solve the problem with my limited knowledge of routers … Read more

Did I Say That? The joys of parenting

The absolutely annoying thing about family life is that everyone wants to tell you how to raise your kids. Even your kids. If I had as much free advice about my investment portfolio, I’d be sitting in an office with Warren Buffett today … and having him run out to Starbucks to get me a matcha latte. Of course, child rearing has always been a controversial topic in America, and people like Hillary Clinton will tell you it takes a village, or possibly a reform school, to get the job done right. The kids you thought had five-star child-rearing are … Read more

Did I Day That? Drawers of mystery

When I was growing up, we had a kitchen drawer filled with keys of unknown origin that accumulated over the years … and were still accumulating. Dozens of keys of every make, model and political affiliation. My father was a carpenter and a locksmith, but even he didn’t know what the keys were for, although he insisted on saving them in case of … what? In case we got locked out of the bathroom and our only hope was to rummage through a pile of keys to find one that might miraculously open the door? Unfortunately, the keys were suited … Read more

Did I Say That? Life in the time of potholes

It’s a sure sign the end is near for a city, a state or a civilization when the roads are riddled with potholes. Count the potholes and you’ll be able to calculate how long it takes before you see bankruptcy, anarchy … or another tax increase. Ancient Rome is a perfect example. All roads led to Rome and when they deteriorated, real estate values went in the toilet and low-class barbarians started moving in. Our nation’s capital is said to have the worst roads in the country. Instead of blabbering about more pork barrel legislation, our congresspersons should get off … Read more

Pin It on Pinterest